The Best Way To Motivate Kids or Anybody Else Is to Start By Listening

Don’t tell people how to do things, tell them what to do and let them surprise you with their results.

—George S. Patton

You can’t motivate someone who can’t hear you.

If what you’re saying is bouncing off their psychological armor, it makes little difference how good you are at saying it. You are not being heard. Your people have to hear you to be moved by you.

In order for someone to hear you, she must first be heard. It doesn’t work the other way around. It doesn’t work when you always go first because your employee must first appreciate that you are on her wavelength and under- stand her thinking completely.

We were working with a financial services CEO named Lance who had difficulties with his four-woman major ac- count team. They didn’t care for him and didn’t trust him, and they dreaded every meeting with him because he would go over their shortcomings.

Lance was at his wit’s end and asked for coaching. “Meet with each of them one at a time,” we advised. “What do I say?”

“Say nothing. Just listen.”

“Listen to what?”

“The person across from you.” “What’s my agenda?”

“No agenda.”

24 / 100 Ways to Motivate Others

“What do I ask them?”

“How is life? How is life for you in this company? What

would you change?” “Then what?”

“Then just listen.”

“I don’t know if I could do that.”

The source of his major account team’s low morale had just been identified. The rest was up to Lance. 

Steve Chandler